Back to School Worries: What If It Does Work Out?
Is your child going back to school this week? Or perhaps they’re starting school for the very first time?
Maybe the worries have already started in your house.
What if I don’t like my teacher?
What if I don’t know anyone?
What if I get lost?
What if nobody wants to play with me?
But we almost never ask:
What if it DOES work out?
Or perhaps your child isn’t actually saying they’re worried. They just don’t want to go.
Their tummy hurts.
Bedtime has suddenly become difficult.
They’re clingier than usual,
or something that didn’t seem to bother them a couple of weeks ago now feels like a really big deal.
If that sounds familiar, I want to share a few thoughts with you from the latest episode of my Behind the Stories podcast, because going back to school is such a perfect breeding ground for worry.
There are so many unknowns.
And worry absolutely loves an unknown.
Those endless ‘what ifs’
Something that really helped me understand worry differently was realising how much time we spend worrying about things that haven’t actually happened.
I know I did.
For years I worried about all sorts of things.
Money was a big one for me, despite the fact that I had always had enough.
And I noticed something really interesting about myself.
When something genuinely difficult happened, I was usually pretty good at dealing with it. I went into practical mode, sorted out what needed sorting and got on with it.
It was when everything was absolutely fine that my mind seemed to have plenty of time to come up with things that might go wrong.
And children do this too.
What if my teacher doesn’t like me?
What if I can’t do the work?
What if my friend plays with somebody else?
Their mind is racing ahead, trying to work out the answer to something that hasn’t happened yet.
The worry is real. The thing they’re worrying about often isn’t, at least not yet.
And understanding that helps us respond a differently.
‘You’ll be fine’ isn’t what they need first
When a child is worried, I think it’s very natural to want to reassure them.
“You’ll be fine.”
“There’s nothing to worry about.”
“You’ll love it when you get there.”
All said with the very best of intentions because, of course, we want them to feel better.
But when your child is caught up in all those what ifs, sometimes reassurance isn’t what they need first.
Sometimes they just need to know that you’ve heard them.
“It sounds like you’re feeling worried about going back to school.”
You don’t have to immediately fix the worry or convince them that everything is going to be fine.
You’re simply acknowledging how they’re feeling.
And from there, you can help them take the next step.
Wilma hid in a hole
This is one of the things I love about Wilma the Worried Worm.
Wilma worries about everything and, when something goes wrong, she hides in a hole and refuses to come out.
I think most of us have had our own version of that hole at some point.
And for a child who is worried about school, “I don’t want to go” can be their version of hiding in it.
What I love about Wilma’s story is that her friends don’t abandon her there. They help her come back out.
There’s a lovely message in that for us as grown-ups too.
When our child is caught up in worry, we don’t have to climb into the hole with them.
We can stay outside it, calm and resourceful, and help them find their way back out.
I talk much more about this in the podcast because there’s a really important difference between acknowledging your child’s worry and accidentally joining them in it.
And what about our own worry?
This is probably the bit we don’t think about quite as much.
How are you feeling about them going back to school?
Maybe you’re wondering whether they’ll settle. Whether they’ll make friends. Whether the new teacher will understand them. Whether they’ll cope.
You might not have said any of that to your child.
But children are incredibly good at picking up on us.
I know from my own experience that worry can become a habit. I grew up around worry and absorbed some of those patterns without even realising it. It took me years to recognise that some of the things I worried about weren’t really mine at all.
I go into this much more in the podcast, because I think it’s fascinating and really worth understanding.
But for now, as school starts again, perhaps just notice what you are bringing to it.
Are you giving off “Oh gosh, I hope they're going to be okay”?
Or are you giving them the feeling of:
“You've got this. And whatever happens, we'll work it out.”
Things always do work out
There’s a line in Wilma the Worried Worm that I deliberately put into the story twice:
“Things always do work out.”
And I genuinely believe that.
That doesn’t mean everything goes exactly the way we want it to.
Sometimes things go completely off plan!
But we deal with them.
We find another way.
Something changes.
Somebody helps.
A solution appears that we couldn’t see when we were busy worrying about it.
And that is something I would love our children to grow up believing.
Your child doesn’t know what this school year holds yet.
The teacher they’re nervous about might become their favourite.
The child they haven’t met yet might become their best friend.
Something they’re convinced they won’t be able to do might become the thing they discover they’re brilliant at.
They don’t know yet.
And neither do we.
That's the point.
We don't need to know exactly how everything is going to work out before we take the next step.
Sometimes we have to trust what unfolds each day.
So if the what ifs are getting a little loud in your house as school starts again, have a listen to Episode 6 of Behind the Stories: Things Always Work Out – Helping Your Child With Back to School Worries.
I’ll share more about Wilma, why worry can keep us stuck in that metaphorical hole, and some simple ways you can help your child when worry takes over.
And the next time your child asks, “But what if…?”
perhaps you can gently turn the question around:
“Yes… but what if it DOES work out?”
Because, as Wilma discovers in her story, things always do work out.
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